Something I've never told you

2015 has been one hell of a year.

I’ve been thinking about writing to you for weeks now about what I wanted to share about my year.

The truth is it’s taken me that long to be able to write this to you.  

Why? Partially because I noticed a lifelong pattern emerging of wanting to only share the great news, the stellar results, the huge wins and tell you that everything is amazing.

So I waited another week. And then I waited another week, yet again. I noticed online celebrations of the year starting to pop up left, right and center. Sometimes they were in the form of newsletters, and sometimes they were photo montages. Sometimes they were well-known entrepreneurs sharing their big years, their gratitude, their breakthroughs, their wins, and a few shared their failures. As the ‘end of the year’ reflection flurry continued, I knew there was something for me to communicate.

I kept asking myself ‘What do I want to share about 2015?’

And here is the truth.

In 2015 my business grew 10-fold.
I served hundreds of high performing leaders globally.
My team grew substantially; sometimes we were small and mighty and during launches as large as 12 spanning various continents!
I wrote every week for the first time in years.
I launched an interview series called #WomenWhoLead.
I launched 60 Days to SoulPowered, my signature group program and watched powerhouse women transform the way the lead their business and their lives.
I’ve maintained an intimate Facebook Group community (Lead with Soul) for conversations about leadership, business and growth that fuel women entrepreneurs and who are surrounded by  a community of like-minded women - not an icky online forum.
My community overall has grown to thousands all over the globe.
I was featured in press, countless podcast interviews, and even had the opportunity to be interviewed in MindValley’s Evercoach community.
Let’s just say on paper, it’s been a good year.

Here is the other truth - the one I’ve wanted to share with you more than the list above (the one I’ve been pondering):

There were 2 themes in 2015: Loss and GO Big or Go Home

Back in 2014, I chose to bring on a part-time business partner. In late 2014, before we really had a chance to do any substantial work she left very suddenly. At the time it crushed me. It felt like someone reached into my body and took out my heart, my stomach, and part of my vocal chords simultaneously. A large vision was left on the table for me to bring to life, and I stood alone in it for sometime. I really grieved the potential that never had a chance to be born. This newsletter is the first time I’ve publicaly spoken about it.

Out of that loss, I created step by step momentum and a new sense of Self. I gained great clarity. And with clarity came confidence about what was required of me.

2015 was my year to own it, let go of that vision and recreate my OWN. You see, business is an evolution. I’ve learned this again and again in my 16+ years in business; if you are not evolving you are not growing, and if you aren’t growing you’re stagnant (or worse).

Basically, 2015 was about GO BIG OR GO HOME for me. And, it wasn’t about proving anything to anyone, certainly not to the world, or even myself. It was about listening to what I was truly called for—the thing I was meant to do in the world—and to allow myself to be in full expression of it, no matter what.

Later in 2015 I experienced great loss again in a different form: I experienced losing my grandmother a huge part of my family legacy. I faced mortality and grief in a way that I have never met them before. Seeing someone’s last few breaths, last squeeze of the hand, last murmur of the voice, yet knowing their spirit thrives on.

My family legacy runs deep. We are wired to do and be who we are; to create success on our own terms, to lead in business and to lead, teach, mentor and coach others. I miss my grandma and yet I feel more compelled than ever to lead this movement for women, to create a world that does better for my son and to be present every day for what really matters. Experiencing loss and grief, the depths of myself and my family and asking myself to feel, live and breathe through it while I served at my highest level has been a wild and expansive journey. And I now know it’s possible to do the very thing you are meant to do more than anything - even when your world is cracked wide open.

2015, you have surely cracked me open, and asked me to rise.
2015, you asked me to step up and lead as a mother and be more present for Jackson.
2015, you asked me to show up, suck it up, and pull up my boots at times when stakes were high.
2015, you asked me to embrace my failures and deepen into who I really am.

2015, you asked me to have some late nights, early mornings, and long days in service of my vision, mission, the impact I want to make on this planet and the life I choose to live.
2015, you asked me to truly honor experiences over more stuff and things.
2015, you asked me to surrender when shit got hard and the world didn’t make sense.
2015, you asked me to have more courage to step up yet again and listen to what is needed and wanted and go deliver it.

2015, you asked me to continuously be a better partner in my marriage.
2015, you asked me to meditate, DAILY.
2015 you challenged me to be more disciplined, to do more soul searching. You made me cry, you brought unanswered calls, you brought unbridled joy, you brought fulfillment, you brought new love into my life.

And you brought a new set of goals and an expanded vision that I can’t wait to conquer with you in 2016.



PS. My biggest learning of 2015 is the very thing you’ve been searching for is right in front of you.  :)

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